Monday, July 05, 2004

Curly and Firecrackers

Book signing event today:

July 5, 2004 National Constitution Center 525 Arch Street Independence Mall Philadelphia 12:00 p.m.

I'm in Philadelphia. I hope all of you had a great day yesterday. Mine was just strange. Reasons? Many.

Curly came to visit us. Instead of saying "hi" and staying in the house with Hillary and Chelsea, he came to the barn to bother me. I was watching a DVD of Queer as Folk. I love that series. It's funny and they portray gays as human beings instead of the usual psychotic beings conservative Americans imagine they are. Then the mongoose found my hideout and I had to spend time listening to his non-ideas. I don't like Curly. He doesn't love my daughter.

Well Anyway, I cut his babbling short and took the BBQ outside and called the women. I had invited some other people for the BBQ and it turned out to be a nice day. That is until Curly made a remark about the hotdog I made for him. He was right. I had spiced it up or better said, spiced it down. So when he made a face after he swallowed the first bite, I asked him what was wrong. He said his dog didn't taste very good. I said "What do you mean? I've been making hotdogs for Chelsea ever since she was born." I gave Chelsea a sad look and asked "Don't you like my hotdogs either? Why haven't you said anything in all those years?" She said "No, dad. Your hotdogs taste great." I gave Curly a sad look. Took off my apron, sat down on a chair facing the hedges and put my head on my hands. I could feel Chelsea was about to blow up at Curly.

I'm sorry for what I'm doing to my little girl, but I have to. As soon as we get rid of this mongoose she can look for a guy, who really loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. It's for her own good.

In the evening we decided to go set off some fireworks. It was reasonably dark. Curly had this jacket with huge pockets. He had filled them with fireworks. Right before we lit the fireworks, Curly took out a few cigars and gave all of us one. He said "Using a cigar is safer than using matches. Besides it tastes better." He grinned.

I knew right then, I was going to get him back for that. I waited, I waited. Curly was setting of his fireworks. Everybody else was looking at the fireworks in the sky. I lit one of my firecrackers and threw it at Curly's feet. The bang made him jump up. He must've dropped his cigar in his pocket, because his jacket started exploding and all kinds of fireworks lit up or shot into the sky. The guy looked like a Christmas tree. All of us were shocked. Curley panicked and started shouting "Help, I'm exploding!" He came running to us, but we ran away and tried to hide behind the trees and bushes. None of us wanted to explode with him. Finally he had the sense to take off his jacket. I don't like Curly, but thank God, he wasn't wounded in any way.

Oh my God, what a day. I don't know whether to shake my head in despair or to laugh out loud. At this moment, recounting the story, I'm laughing. What a day, what a day!

I hope my visit to Philly is less stressful and less eventful. I'm looking forward to meeting all of you at the Mall today. Take care.